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My Journey as a Play Therapist | Nancy Soliz

February 8, 2021

A Sneak Peek at the NEW Play Therapy Room

By Nancy Soliz

There is nothing more fun and livelier than a child engaged in play.  As many of us do, I first found my love for play as a child.  I grew up on a farm and there was never a shortage of nature, mud, and land to get lost in the fantasy of a professional chef, a potions maker, or just a wonderer exploring the vast outdoors.  But making good use of my imagination wasn’t limited to the outdoors.  I also found solace in my room playing with my toys.  As an 80s kid, I have to admit Cabbage Patch Dolls, Popples, and My Little Ponies were the most beloved of my collection.  Looking back, this play gave me the chance to explore my place in the world, practice real world scenarios, and even act out relationship patterns both observed and imagined.

It was no wonder when I was first exposed to play therapy as a new clinician, I was hooked!  It seemed so simple that instead of using talk to engage children in therapy that we would use the natural medium by which all children across the world express themselves – play.  

“In play therapy, toys are like the child’s words and play is the child’s language.” – Dr. Garry Landreth

In order to become a Registered Play Therapist (RPT), I completed 150 hours of play therapy training in addition to play therapy specific supervision by a Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor while I was completing my master’s program in marriage and family therapy.   When I moved back to the OKC metro  in 2008, there was only one RPT in the area.  There are now over 30! How cool is that?!  It has been exciting for me to help increase the number of skilled play therapists through supervision and training via the Oklahoma Play Therapy Training Institute that I founded and operate with another play therapist in the area, Lea May.  I also have continued my own training by becoming the first Certified Theraplay® Practitioner in the state of Oklahoma, and incorporating EMDR* with play therapy.  As a clinician, I always want to continue to grow and learn.  

“Enter into children’s play and you will find the place where their minds, hearts, and souls meet.” -Virginia Axline

My newest endeavor has been to remodel my play therapy space at my private practice at Family Solutions Counseling.  A play therapy room is unique because the toys and space are all carefully selected to ignite a child’s free play and creativity.  Rise Van Fleet, et. Al (2012) in the book “Child-Centered Play Therapy” gives a very succinct list of the categories of toys and their purpose:

1. Nurturing/Family Toys

Purpose: Build and explore relationships

Dolls, baby bottles, blankets, diapers, doll house (furniture and doll family), puppet family (people and/or animals), miniatures, kitchen set (food, dishes, etc.), doctor’s kit.

2.  Fantasy/Pretend Toys

Purpose: Express feelings, and play out roles/scenarios

Dress-up clothes/hats, costume jewelry, puppets, miniatures, mirror, masks, play money, magic wand, vehicles (cars, trucks, rescue vehicles, planes), doctor’s kit, communication toys (phone, microphone, mailbox, etc.)

3.  Expressive and Construction Toys

Purpose: Express feelings, mastery, problem solving and creativity

Arts supplies (markers, crayons, paint, paper, etc.), craft supplies (stickers, pipe cleaners, beads, popsicle sticks, tape), water, play dough, clay, building blocks, legos, cardboard bricks.

4.  Acting Out/Aggressive Release Toys

Purpose: Expression, processing and mastery of fear and anger; Control

Monsters and villains, heroes, plastic soldiers, dinosaurs, spiders, snakes, aggressive looking puppets and miniatures (ex. dragons, animals with teeth showing, etc.), rope, handcuffs, bop bag, toy guns/knives, dart gun.

5. Movement and Motion Toys

Purpose: Mastery, emotional outlet, and self-regulation.

Balls, basketball/hoop, bubbles, ring toss, bean bags, target games, jump rope, hula hoop, music.

These toys then give the opportunity for the play therapist with the child to explore their world, experiences, and feelings.  In the before/after pictures of the play room, you will be able to see all of these categories of toys.  If you are interested in finding out more information about play therapy, I invite you to check out the Association for Play Therapy website at www.a4pt.org or contact me at Family Solutions Counseling.

Nancy Rumley Soliz, MS, LMFT, RPT-S
Certified EMDR Clinician
Certified Theraplay® Practitioner
(405) 242-5305

*EMDR-Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing is a research-based treatment for trauma among other psychological issues.

Filed Under: Blog, Child & Adolescent Tagged With: apt, association for play therapy, child centered play, emdr, family solutions counseling, family toys, Gary Landreth, Lea May, lmft, mandala play therapy solutions, nancy soliz, nurturing toys, Oklahoma Play Therapy Training Institute, play therapy, play therapy room, pretend toys, registered play therapist, Rise Van Fleet, rpt, theraplay

A Pandemic Holiday: It Is What It Is | Mary E.M. Scruggs

December 9, 2020

The holiday season is upon us; and with everything going on these days (i.e., global pandemic), I often find myself asking a lot of questions. I’m fairly certain given the state of our world, that I’m not the only one engaging in this type of internal dialogue.  There seems to be an ever present cloud that hangs directly overhead. Will it ever dissipate? I really don’t know; but, what I do know is that this lingering cloud makes it difficult not to ask “Why now?” when other difficult or bad things happen. Unfortunately, other “bad things” don’t really care that we are suffering from a global pandemic. They aren’t really concerned about adding insult to injury. Even though I know this to be true, when other bad things happen, I still find myself appealing to the heavens with outstretched arms shouting, “Why now?!” Okay, that may be a bit extreme; but, I definitely give the occasional why-now-eye-roll often followed with an audible “ugh!”

Managing the Dark Cloud

It’s obvious to most of that we can’t force the cloud to go away.  You know that eventually it has to move, but right now you can’t do anything about it.  There’s no controlling the cloud.  You can’t control how  others feel about the cloud, much less all the other difficult circumstances coming your way.

What can I do about it?

What can I control today? 

How do these circumstances reflect on me? 

Do they even reflect on me at all?

These are the questions I find myself asking on a daily basis as part of my internal dialogue.

It Is What It Is

I particularly like this expression. I find it oddly comforting.  It reminds me that any given situation can’t be anything other than what it is; thus, despite whether or not I had control over it in the past, I can only make changes moving forward.

I have also found myself struggling with toxic positivity.  During recent stressful and challenging situations,  I have found myself pondering a lot of thoughts focused on what I should be doing instead.

I should be more grateful.

I should look at the bright side.

I should be more positive about what is happening.

I should stop saying “it is what it is.”

I don’t know about you, but this makes the stress even worse! Now I am not only stressing about what I was (the past), I’m also stressing about how I should be (the future).  Allowing my thoughts to aimlessly drift into the past or future during stressful moments or situations unfortunately doesn’t alleviate the stress I’m feeling.  If anything, it adds to it.

As I confide in those around me, I hope to be validated and understood. A simple whisper or nod that communicates “I hear you” would suffice just fine.  Unfortunately, more often than I care to admit, I hear those exact same invalidating and dismissive statements I have often said to myself:

“You should be grateful for what you have.”

“Well on the bright side you have time to…..”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

It Still Sucks.

I am truly grateful for what I have. I am completely aware that there is a light at the end of the tunnel (or cloud should I say). I’m smart enough to know that we can learn something from this – but it still sucks!

  • Please let me share my experience with you without fearing that you will tell me I should know better.
  • Please recognize that I put my Christmas tree up two months early, because it makes me a little happier.
  • Please know that I understand that society is lacking in a lot of ways, but right now I can only control my situation.
  • Please allow me to hurt.
  • Please allow me to feel good.

Wait, scratch that, now we need to get into boundaries and assertive communication.  Read each sentence above again without the word “Please”.

That seems a little more to the point, doesn’t it?

This message basically says, “Look! I’m feeling like crap; and I just want to tell someone without fear of judgment or being dismissed.”

The reality is that 2020 has been a hard year.  Not just for you or for me, but for everyone in the world in one way or another.  I respect and encourage positive thoughts in addition to active listening.  But, try hard to avoid sharing toxic positivity. Instead try asking yourself, “What does this person need from me right now, in this very moment?” Be careful not to do this at the expense of yourself.  Sometimes you will be the one that needs to be validated and understood

One Final Tip

You can control what you say and how you say it.  Just taking out the word “please” makes a huge difference so how can you be more mindful in what you’re saying and how you’re saying it?  The holidays are a good time to practice this, but PLEASE be patient with yourself and others.

Mary E.M. Scruggs is a marriage and family counselor in private practice at Family Solutions Counseling located in the Oklahoma City metro area. 

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: emotions management, family solutions counseling, feelings management, friendships, holiday sanity, holiday tips, It is what it is, mary scruggs, relationships, selfcare, surviving the holidays, understanding, validation

Creative Communication: The Power of Art Therapy | Alexandra Steward

November 11, 2020

Whenever I visit my grandmother, or “Nanna” as all the grandkids call her, we paint together and she tells me stories about her life from long ago. She would delight in telling us about how, as a little girl, she was so proud of her first pair of Levi Jeans. I remember her telling me the story of when she moved to California and refused to marry a farmer only to fall for a farmer who was working as a pilot at the time. Throughout her life, she has told me many stories filled with wisdom and reassurance. Once she told me that “God lets an artist paint the sky when they get to heaven” and that’s why we see beautiful sunrises and sunsets every day.

As both a mentor and grandmother, my Nanna is also one of my favorite artists alongside Georgia O’Keeffe, Kehinde Wiley, and Andy Warhol, each of whom has a unique artistic style to communicate their ideas to the world.

Andy Warhol, who founded the New York Academy of Art, captured the world’s attention with his pop styled art of repeating images and bright colors. On the other hand, artists like Kehinde Wiley is a more modern artist known for his historically European stylized portraitures of modern Black people. The enlarged flowers of Georgia O’Keeffe were some of my favorite paintings growing up and was one of my Nanna’s favorite artists since she likes nature subjects as well. 

From pop to historic grandeur to naturalism, each of these artists expressed themselves in a different medium and style. Art has been seen to be just one mode of communication, but more than that, it can be a useful tool to explore your own emotions. Troubling and stressful thoughts and feelings can be hard to communicate, and a lot of people struggle to form words to express themselves. Art helps communicate these complex troubles and stresses in a way that is helpful for the client and is often uniquely tailored to fit their needs. Anyone can be an artist, and anyone can explore their emotions through various mediums of art.

Creating is not only for people who have trouble verbalizing themselves, but can also be a method to reduce stress, anxiety, PTSD, and other disorders.

Can Art Be Therapeutic? 

Yes it can.  There is even a for of professional therapy called “art therapy.” Art therapy is a discipline that blends art and psychology through the therapeutic process and implements the use of painting, drawing, collaging, photography, and so much more. Often changed to fit the client, art therapy is helpful for various ages and has many benefits for participants. Art therapy has been seen to:

  1. Improve communication and concentration through a creative mode of conversing, and helps clients to focus on a particular idea
  2. Allow the client a safe space to work through their emotions throughout the entire process and acts as both a positive distraction and calming experience. Art therapy has been seen as a time that allows clients to process their overwhelming emotions.
  3. Increase self-awareness which promotes self-esteem in social situations and reduces feelings of isolation.
  4. Cultivate emotional resilience and promote insight as clients can use various mediums and freely express themselves.

What Are the Benefits to Art Therapy?

Not only does art therapy have many benefits, but there is a diversity that exists within the field, where different mediums have different uses. Art ranges from more to less structured mediums. More structured mediums like photography and collages allow more hesitant clients a place to start while less structured mediums like painting, drawing, and sculpting is more free-flowing. Any of these mediums are suitable for therapy, but their suitability for each particular client varies. Painting isn’t always as suitable for directives as collages are, but collages do not always have the emotional range as painting. Sculpture can be a great medium for some, but for others who don’t enjoy the mess, it may not be the best option. Furthermore, drawing can come in so many forms from colored pencils, graphite, crayons, and more allow for lots of freedom to depict what the client wishes to, but may overwhelm them if they try to include too many details. Overall, many types of art can be tailored to fit a particular client, with pros and cons attached to each one. 

Art therapy isn’t just for artists, if you’re having trouble expressing your emotions, feel too overwhelmed to adequately and freely express yourself, or need a creative outlet to process your trauma, then art therapy may be for you! Anyone can create, reach out to a qualified art therapist today and start communicating creatively!

Alexandra Steward serves as an intern at Family Solutions Counseling. She is currently pursuing a degree in Family Science from Oklahoma Christian University, with plans to attend an Art Therapy accredited program come Fall of 2021 following graduation.

Sources used for this article

Mehlomakulu, C. (2016, August 11). Media Choices in Therapy. https://creativityintherapy.com/2013/01/media-choices-in-therapy/. 

Fabian, R. (2017). Healing Invisible Wounds: Art Therapy and PTSD. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/art-therapy-for-ptsd#Takeaway. 

Editorial, C. J. (2017, November 29). Who Can Benefit From Art Therapy? CureJoy. https://www.curejoy.com/content/benefits-of-art-therapy/. 

 

 

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: art in therapy, art therapy, counseling, creative communication, creative counseling, healing, healing with art, mental health, mental health counseling, trauma, what is art therapy

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month | Victoria James

October 6, 2020

Abuse thrives only in silence. You have the power to end domestic violence simply by shining a spotlight on it. – Leslie Steiner

I’ve thought a lot about what I wanted to say in honor of this month. Whether I wanted to spend time writing out stats and defining abuse, whether I wanted to talk to those supporting survivors, or to speak directly to survivors themselves.

There are plenty of websites that will define abuse and provide detailed information on how to identify domestic violence, resources for it, and what to do if you think someone you love is being abused. So rather than add to the list of already available resources (which I’ll include below)—I want to talk directly to survivors.

DEAR SURVIVORS

I want to say that this abuse is not your fault. I want you to know that you are worthy; and you are not crazy.  That yes, you can still love your abuser and know the way you are being treated is wrong.  That the positive portions of the relationship do hold value—and that they also do not excuse the abuse.

I’ve worked hundreds of hours with abuse survivors in all stages of their relationships.  What I have said to them and what I want to say to you is that you deserve more. Just because they “only” abuse when. . . doesn’t excuse it when it happens. A 1 of 10 on the abuse scale is still so much worse than what you deserve. You deserve to not be abused at all.

I know you want it to be possible for you to be “good” enough to make the abuse stop.  I know that you tell yourself, “if I just. . . then they won’t.”  And yet—nothing you can do will justify the abuse or change the behaviors of another person.  Your behaviors are all that is in your control.  You are not responsible for the way someone else treats you.

I want to say that I don’t blame you for staying.  That I understand that staying is sometimes the safest option for yourself and your children.  I am with you and hear you as you do and say what you need to do in order to best protect yourself.  No one but you can decide what that “best” thing is.

Your safety and your empowerment are my number one priority. There are resources available if you want them—some even for free. We can create a safety plan no matter what your relationship looks like. You are not alone.

Even if they have never physically harmed you, you can still say that you are experiencing abuse.  Even if they have never raised their voice at you. Even if they have never called you a nasty name.  If you feel like you no longer have control over your own life, what you wear, how you spend your money, who you talk too—that is the essence of abuse. That alone counts and is enough.

WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING

I asked my community what they would say to a survivor of abuse if they could say anything. I want to share those responses with you:

  • “You were not seeking attention. You were seeking help.”
  • “It is not your fault.”
  • “You are not powerless. This doesn’t have to be forever.”
  • “You are worthy. You don’t deserve this and you are allowed to walk away. Abuse is abuse and it doesn’t have to be physical for it to be painful so never doubt yourself.”
  • “You can break the cycle. It doesn’t have to be this way for generations to come. You don’t have to grow up and have that kind of relationship yourself.”
  • “I believe you. It is not your fault.”
  • “Help is available for no cost. There are Domestic Violence Crisis centers available to you.”
  • “The abuse does not define you.”
  • “There is hope. You are not alone.”
  • “You survived. That was your only job.”
  • “You are brave. You are worthy.”

RESOURCES

If you are questioning whether or not what you are experiencing is abuse, I encourage you to contact a professional who has been trained to talk about it. If you want help, there are resources.

If you reside in the state of Oklahoma, you can receive free counseling, advocacy, and shelter services at:

  1. YWCA Oklahoma City
  2. Wings of Hope in Stillwater
  3. DVIS Tulsa 

You are also more than welcome to contact me or another provider that is working in your state or area.

For more domestic violence awareness and information:

https://www.breakthecycle.org

www.thehotline.org

www.ncadv.org

Victoria James is licensed professional counselor candidate in the state of Oklahoma.  She is currently a practitioner at Family Solutions Counseling in the OKC Metro area where she works with individuals and couples struggling with sexual-related matters, trauma, and domestic violence. 

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: domestic violence awareness, domestic violence awareness month, domestic violence counseling, domestic violence help, domestic violence resources, dv awareness, family solutions counseling, gaslighting, not your fault, october, october is domestic violence awareness month, purple ribbon, victoria james, you are not crazy

Trauma Leaves a Mark, Even if You Can’t See It | Hanah Barnard

September 15, 2020

“Some people’s lives seem to flow in a narrative, mine had many stops and starts. That’s what trauma does. It interrupts the plot… It just happens, and then life goes on. No one prepares you for it.” – Jessica Stern

My dog Finnley is truly my pride and joy. Finnley is a pretty timid Australian Shepherd who is scared of many things. However, he has one particular fear that surpasses all the others – balloons! Three years ago when Finnley was just a puppy, I threw a birthday party which included some balloons on the floor for decoration. Being a curious puppy, of course he had to go investigate the big objects that looked like toys. To no one’s surprise the balloon popped as soon as it touched his sharp puppy teeth, sending him into a panic of howls and barks from the loud noise. We’ve had a handful of events involving balloons since then, and each time Finnley shows that he hasn’t forgotten the incident from his puppyhood. The mere sight of a balloon causes him to shake, whimper, and hide in the nearest closet.

So what does my dog’s fear of balloons have to do with anything? Like Finnley, most of us have experienced a traumatic event in our lives to some degree. What we define as trauma varies. A situation that I experience to be traumatic may have little to no impact on you. While some may be able to easily move past trauma, for others it can completely inhibit their ability to function in day to day life.

What Exactly Is Trauma?

When you hear the word “trauma” maybe the first thing that comes to mind is a physical injury, like a broken bone or a deep cut. Injuries like this are easy for others to see, you can go to the hospital for treatment and everyone understands the pain that you are in. But what about psychological trauma – something others can’t see? This trauma comes from an event or series of events that you experience to be harmful or potentially life threatening and can leave a long-lasting impression. Trauma can feel quite isolating. It’s harder for others to understand the pain you’re in when they can’t physically see the wounds. Psychological trauma can come in three different forms:

  1. Acute Trauma – This results from a single traumatic event, like being in a car crash.
  2. Chronic Trauma – This comes from repeated and prolonged exposure to a traumatic event. This can be seen in victims of domestic violence and abuse.
  3. Complex Trauma – This comes from exposure to varied and multiple traumatic events. Complex trauma can be difficult to identify. You might not be able to point to a specific event in your life that caused the trauma, however that does not make it less impactful. An example of this could be childhood neglect or abuse from multiple people in your life.

Regardless of the type and cause, all trauma can have detrimental effects on an individual’s life. It can develop into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), with symptoms including:

  • Flashbacks – reliving the trauma as if it were happening again. Certain sounds, smells, locations, and situations associated with the trauma can trigger a flashback.
  • Avoidance – avoiding people, places, and situations associated with the trauma
  • Changes in arousal – becoming easily startled, having trouble sleeping and concentrating
  • Other unsettling experiences, like nightmares and increased anxiety.

Our body’s response to trauma serves to protect ourselves from danger. But our bodies aren’t able to tell that time has passed and that we aren’t actually in danger anymore. Anxiety and a quick startle response are beneficial in the face of danger but becomes damaging when they persist once the threat is gone. PTSD also brings along an increased risk of other mental illnesses such as depression, substance abuse, and addiction.

Trauma is Not Just “In Your Head!”

“Just get over it!”

“It happened so long ago!”

“You gotta let it go”

Maybe you’ve heard these phrases before. The ambiguity surrounding emotional or psychological often makes it difficult for others to understand what you’re experiencing.  However, maybe you are suffering from a traumatic event or series of events in your life, but don’t feel like your trauma is “big” enough. Other people have been through worse, so you should just get over it, right? But trauma is much more than just a story or something that happened long ago. No matter how big or small, trauma leaves a mark. It affects your mind, body, and brain. Yes, your brain is in your head, but trauma is not simply “in your head” – it’s real!

In fact, experiencing trauma can literally change the brain! The brain areas most affected by trauma are the:

  • Amygdala: Responsible for controlling aggression and perceiving emotions, especially fear and anger.
  • Hippocampus: Mostly involved in storing long-term memories.
  • Prefrontal Cortex: Plays a role in personality, planning, attention, and memory.

Each of these parts of the brain do some majorly important stuff! They make us who we are. The physical and psychological changes caused by trauma impact your capacity for pleasure, trust, engagement, and self-control. It’s as if every new experience you have is contaminated by the past. So maybe trauma doesn’t leave a physical mark, but the emotional and psychological effects are still ever present, nonetheless.

While I’m unsure if Finnely’s canine brain will ever heal from his balloon-trauma, I do believe there is hope for most human brains – that’s you! The trauma that you experienced cannot be undone, but the good news is that the aftermath can be dealt with using a variety of therapeutic methods and techniques.  If you think the troubles you might be experiencing are possibly due to trauma wounds that have not healed properly, then please reach out to a qualified therapist in your area to find the best treatment plan for you.

You have suffered long enough. Take action today!

Hanah Barnard, B.A. is a contributing writer for this blog site.  Hanah earned her degree in Psychology from the University of Arkansas.  She currently serves as office manger for Family Solutions Counseling.  Her fur-baby, Finnley, is pictured here. 

 

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: abuse, acute trauma, anxiety, avoidance, chronic trauma, complex trauma, emotional abuse, emotional trauma, family solutions counseling, flashbacks, neglect, physical abuse, psychological trauma, ptsd, trauma, trauma bonding, trauma healing, trauma help, trauma treatment, trauma wounds, triggers, verbal abuse, what is trauma

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